So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
