I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
