Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
