Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
