well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
