i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
