My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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