At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
now i know why i became what i already was.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
