he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize