My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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