i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize