oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
