I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
