I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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