I think I died a long time ago.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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