very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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