Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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