Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
