Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
and she was petting her beer can
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
