So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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