someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
