Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
