i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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