I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize