In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
