All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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