There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
