New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize