nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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