He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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