do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
