If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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