I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
