Plan B is the new Plan A
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
