she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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