community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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