Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
