I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Holy sore nipples Batman
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
