You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
