I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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