just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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