I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
