i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
