They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
