did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
