yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
