Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Randomize
