WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
