Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
