Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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