i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
