I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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