I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
