You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
