Will you blow on my dice?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
