There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
