dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
