I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
