Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
