Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
