is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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