After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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