Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
