the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
