I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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