we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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