Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
