He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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