they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize