booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
